If you are reading this article you might be curious about what it says or you might be in a relationship that seems to be going downhill. Have you ever thought that you could change something to make the relationship better? Or are you constantly blaming the other person?
Here are some ideas that you can do yourself or pass on to a friend who might be in a “relationship slump.”
1. Stop your expectations. We often expect more and more as the relationship goes forward. But try to look at it as if you just met. It is much like when you get a new job. When you first begin the job you are wide-eyed and happy to help in any way that you can. Heck, you might have even grabbed all the Starbucks on your way to the office. You were willing to take on any tasks at the beginning of the job. Then the longer you work at the job, the more entitled you feel. You don’t get coffee anymore because there are “better” ways to be spending your time. The reality is that you should never be “too good” for any task. If you can continue this type of motivation in a job, it will be easy to use the same concept in your relationship. Continue to do what made you a good partner in the first place. Look back at what you did in the past to make the relationship great.
2. The grass is not greener. The grass is not greener on the other side. The grass looks greener on the other side because you are spending more time staring at it rather than watering your own grass. Stop being concerned about what could be or what you could have or what your life would look like only if….. Start paying attention to what makes the grass green on your side. It takes work to keep up a yard, and it takes even more work to keep up a relationship.
3. Get your head out of your ass. Sorry but there is just no better way to say this. You might be thinking, “My partner is so stubborn.” I get it, you can do all these things and no matter what you do that other person will not change. Well then, you are not doing it good enough. Blaming other people and their responses will not help change happen in the relationship. Stubborn might happen for the other person, but it will not stick if you give 100 percent to change yourself in the relationship. With enough time, it is inevitable that the other person will take notice of what you are doing and how happy you are, and they will want nothing more than to join in.
4. Change your routine. Maybe as a wife you do the laundry twice a week. You are too predictable. So maybe you can change things up; leave the laundry. Your husband will take notice that things are different and it will make you happy to change it up and take a break. He will be curious to know what’s gotten into you.
You might not be able to change anyone else. So change what you do. If you order wings and a pizza and sit and enjoy eating it, your husband or partner is bound to want a piece. The same goes with change. Use actions to entice your partner to want to do it with you.
The Cynical Therapist came to be when two therapists became friends. SoulMates or Kindered Spirit Animals… Call us what you will…. We are two bad*** chics Licensed to teach you how to grow into your full potential and add some humor along the way.
Laurie Wilson and Elle Anzalone are both Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Huntington Beach, CA.