A blogger @iamrihanna.wordpress.com blogged a letter to Miley Cyrus. Here is my response to her:
Dear Rhianna, The later part of the blog included some prayer; “I pray that you really do find yourself the way you so desperately want to.” I believe that we are all trying to figure out who we are. I don’t think that Jesus intended prayer to be a word included with sentences rooted in hate and judgement. (Thank you Macklemore and Ryan Lewis).
I don’t believe we can expect a 20-year-old that has been a star since she was 12 to always have the most rational actions and decisions. In fact, I don’t believe we can expect any girls that are not surrounded with the right adults and role models to be conditioned to know how to be good role models. The frontal lobe doesn’t fully develop until age 25. The fact of the matter is young stars like, Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez may have more support or stability in their lives. Overall, we can not expect the same interactions and reactions from everyone. There is an assumption that Miley can read blogs like yours and be “saved”. Maybe if she is drowning (which she has to be the judge of) she can be better served with a life vest and not someone pushing her down.
Robin Thicke, age 36, also participated in the songs festivities (which included him grinding on Miley while she bent over) but you don’t see him getting a reaction of how to be a role model for men.
So, yes, it was a tacky performance, but we need to remember that there were multiple people participating in it. Holding a 20-year-old responsible is not the answer. Her parents, her mentors, or anyone that professionally advises her should be asked a few questions themselves.
We should focus on the positive messages that we want to give our teens girls, which should include a reality that women are often sexualized in the media. We should be honest about what the norm is and what we expect from our children. We should bring up our boys to respect women and decline this sexualization of them. You didn’t see any of the men at the VMAs perform in next to nothing. So it’s not the issue of Miley but of a changing society. We have heart issues we all need to deal with in order to be whole people. God gives us grace to participate in that at any time. We should encourage one another and not criticize. We should focus on the positive, such as Katy Perry’s positive message of standing up for one’s self, and let go of the negative.
The Cynical Therapist came to be when two therapists became friends. SoulMates or Kindered Spirit Animals… Call us what you will…. We are two bad*** chics Licensed to teach you how to grow into your full potential and add some humor along the way.
Laurie Wilson and Elle Anzalone are both Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Huntington Beach, CA.