Let’s address the idea that being single in a world of couples can make anyone become a bit insensitive to the idea of finding someone. Although, I don’t believe in “the one” on any given day, I appreciate that observing humanity and engaging in conversations is what helps me to elaborate on different topics. I have lived vicariously through my friends’ marriages, through friends’ break-ups and my own heart ache, through single life and dating life; I study psychology to better understand the behavioral patterns that we take on. People who have a tendency to be in charge of their dating world can be viewed as bad and all selfish. Players are some of the best people to learn from when wanting to take charge of your dating life. I am not suggesting that you become dishonest or deceitful, but I am suggesting that you learn some things to take charge of your dating life.
One thing is certain, dating patterns are some of the hardest patterns to break. We have a tendency to be attracted to and to date similar people or personalities. If you have dating difficulty, learn the game in order to learn how to break patterns. If you give yourself a three-month window to really get to know someone before you jump into a steamy-make-out session or long phone conversation (where each person is trying to impress anyways) you might have better luck finding the good ones and dismissing the wrong ones. But don’t hate the players, because they have a valuable place in helping you learn the game. Whether you are a man or a woman, if you have a high rate of heart-breaks or shot-downs, it’s time to learn the game.
Steps to learning the game:
First, befriend a player and let yourself learn the patterns of the game. You are a side-line observer; get in the game with the player and you are bound to lose. Pick up on the suave and causal manner that is displayed around their dating patterns.
Take control. You are in control of who you date, until you aren’t anymore. Players are always in control of who they date and when, because they don’t let themselves attach too soon. Staying in control means keeping your dating partners at arm’s length.
Keep time. Don’t create situations in which you require long periods alone with one another. Leave room at the end of date to make up an excuse to leave. Keep availability to every second time they ask you out in the beginning and third time they ask when they start hitting you up more.
Date multiples. If you are the type of person that has one date with a person and drops everyone else prior to having the DTR (Define the Relationship talk), it is time to change. That’s a guilty conscience if you can’t date two people at once. Getting to know someone for who they really are, often requires models to test it against.
Make it natural. Don’t start sending yourself flowers or being vibrant about all the multiple dates you are having. Players are great at the game because the down-low is more than a way of hiding the bad, but more importantly projecting the good.
Be sexy but always classy. Put a spark out in the way you project and take care of yourself. Make sure you are always put together and never thrown together. Take time to plan attire and attitude. What you wear tells people who you are. Your attitude helps people decide if they want to approach you or not. A player is constantly up on this part which makes securing dating partners a success.
The Cynical Therapist came to be when two therapists became friends. SoulMates or Kindered Spirit Animals… Call us what you will…. We are two bad*** chics Licensed to teach you how to grow into your full potential and add some humor along the way.
Laurie Wilson and Elle Anzalone are both Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Huntington Beach, CA.