As a relationship leaves what we know as the “honeymoon phase” both partners begin to feel less connected and more consumed with the “task” of being in a relationship. There is much to be said about the work and dedication it takes to keep a relationship or marriage connected and exciting.
Remember above all, you need two partners willing to take responsibility for themselves and work towards the same goal of improving the relationship.
The four A’s are high in the beginning of a relationship and just need tuning every so often. The four A’s are essential to improving your relationship:
Attention: In the beginning, you wanted to pay more attention to what would make that person smile and feel good. You put in work to go above and beyond; to “be cute” or let the person know you were thinking about them. We forget in the later part of the relationship how much attention is needed to keep both partners in tune.
Affection: You wanted to be close to your partner and meet their needs for affection also. Sometimes there is even a steamy part in the beginning where we can’t keep our hands off each other! It is exciting and new. Affection can be kept alive by having romantic evenings and dates paired with sexy events and reasons to get all dressed up. It is fun to see our partners in different settings on a regular basis.
Appreciation: You were thankful for the other person and having them in your life. You often vocalized or reminded them of this appreciation. Once the relationship goes on we assume the other person knows how much we care about them and that we don’t need to vocalize it anymore. However, this vocalization should continue throughout the duration of the relationship or marriage. Positive appreciation of both partners breeds positive emotions in the relationship.
Approach: The approach you took in the beginning of the relationship was different from the one you take in the middle. You were apologetic for your downfalls and open to differences. Your approach was very open-minded. You approached the beginning of your relationship with fascination and hope. In the middle, we begin to get defensive and often have trouble being as open and forgiving as we were in the beginning. Try to look at your relationship with a fresh approach each and every day.
You can improve your relationship at any point, if you are willing to work hard. It is never too late to implement the same principles that you used in the beginning of the relationship. These simple changes will help both partners to better understand one another and to bring back the happiness and love that has always been there.
The Cynical Therapist came to be when two therapists became friends. SoulMates or Kindered Spirit Animals… Call us what you will…. We are two bad*** chics Licensed to teach you how to grow into your full potential and add some humor along the way.
Laurie Wilson and Elle Anzalone are both Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Huntington Beach, CA.