The truth about your fling is that when you first begin seeing them, they are everything you hope to find in a partner. This person is sweet, they spend time with you, they make it a point to take you out, and they even woo over some of your friends. They talk to you about their dreams and their future, which makes them even more irresistible.
Months later when the DTR talk comes up, there is no exclusive relationship in the near future. Then you start seeing things such as; their pictures on Facebook tend to involve random multiple people of the opposite sex or maybe too much boozing in one night. Texts happen a lot more after 11 p.m. and their idea of taking you out now is you driving an hour to go to their place. They might talk to you about committing, but their actions are inconsistent with that.
The ugly truth about your fling is that their inconsistencies might be confusing you. Their inconsistencies might even lead you to pronounce to your friends that you won’t be seeing them again. The hard truth about this is that your well-being hangs in the balance of your ability to walk away from this person.
Maybe you are able to find peace in the “fling” type of relationship. You may both be in the relationship just for fun and have no intention of getting seriously romantically involved with one another. However, the hard truth is typically that one party is going to get hurt. The even harder truth is that if you have read this far into this blog, that person is probably you.
The ugliest truth about your fling is what it means about you. Why are you willing to keep hanging on to someone who isn’t giving you their all? A wise friend once told me that relationships are not black and white. I agree that relationships can have many gray areas.
The rule of thumb is that if the other party is unwilling to connect with the level of commitment that you need, you will end up on the losing end. Remember that you are likely to see their inconsistencies anyways, so maybe it’s time to throw this fling back into the single sea.
The Cynical Therapist came to be when two therapists became friends. SoulMates or Kindered Spirit Animals… Call us what you will…. We are two bad*** chics Licensed to teach you how to grow into your full potential and add some humor along the way.
Laurie Wilson and Elle Anzalone are both Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Huntington Beach, CA.