People sometimes use the phrase, “Why you aren’t meeting Mr.Right.” I don’t necessarily like that phrase because even if you are out meeting people in the dating pool, you are the only person who gets to decide if they are right or wrong. It is about finding Mr. or Mrs. Right for You. And if we are being completely honest, you may have thought previous people who you dated were right for you the moment you met them. As the relationship goes on you begin to learn more about yourself and that other person. They might turn into Mr. or Mrs. Wrong for you. No one is objectively wrong or right, when we get into relationships we learn if we can stay together.
This article is not about whether a specific person is right or wrong for you. It is an article about why you may not be meeting anyone. In today’s culture of social media and technology, it is not often that we interact with other people as much as we used to. We don’t have to go into stores to pay our bills, because we can pay them on the internet. We don’t have to deposit in banks with direct deposit and bank apps. Online shopping allows us to spend less time as outside consumers, and you can even have your groceries delivered. Social sites like Facebook and Twitter keep us from connecting with other people conversationally. Technology is great for briefly catching up on the latest news, but not so great for your dating life.
What Can You Do
It might be that you see the same 20 people over and over again if you work for a smaller company. Even if you work for a large company, it is likely that you only see people from the same department. Think about if you leave the house (from a car in the garage) and drive to work. Then after the day at work, you get into the car and drive home to make yourself dinner and watch the latest episode of your favorite show. You have only interacted with those same 20 people from work that day. You have met zero people that day; which gives you zero chances to meet a potential partner.
Now, if you take public transit or grab a friend to go out to lunch, or go to a place to eat after work; you have just given yourself 1-3 opportunities in just one day to meet someone. That means that out of the 52 weeks in that year, you can give yourself 260-780 instances in which you can meet a partner.
Or Try These
- Change up your routine. Go to different grocery store or work out at different times. The same people at the gym at 5 pm present the same dating opportunities. Mix it up to see what the gym holds early morning or what shopping late at night might offer you.
- Forgo technology. Go to the bank, shop at the store, and even leave your phone in your pocket in public. You are unapproachable when you are walking and texting at the same time. Every time you can immerse yourself in people gives you more and more opportunities to meet someone.
- Take a class. Not in school anymore? Take a class; and make sure the ratio is to your benefit. Women take a welding or building class, men try for cooking or pottery. Sounds ridiculous, but you might be the only female in a room of 20 men; half of which statistically will be single.
- Move from the small town. Do you live in a town where “everybody knows your name” ? If you want to branch out and meet people, maybe the small town isn’t for you. If you don’t want to move, traveling 45 minutes to an hour can give you new scenery including new potential dating partners.
- Stop locking and dropping. This is locking yourself into a dating situation where the other person is waiting to meet someone else before they drop you. If you are locked into dating one person who just isn’t real or serious about the relationship, it is time to remove him or her from your dating life.
- Boys and Girls can be friends. Yes they can be, but hanging out with the opposite sex all the time will make it impossible for other people to know you are available, even if your Facebook status reads “single.” Remember that no one can read your profile when they are having a conversation with you.
You have many opportunities to meet potential partners but you may first have to embrace some change and commit to meeting new people.
The Cynical Therapist came to be when two therapists became friends. SoulMates or Kindered Spirit Animals… Call us what you will…. We are two bad*** chics Licensed to teach you how to grow into your full potential and add some humor along the way.
Laurie Wilson and Elle Anzalone are both Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Huntington Beach, CA.