Often times, we think that our significant others nag us. Our friends are supportive and laid back about our life decisions, but our partners seem to be much more invested in our decisions or our actions. Why is that?
You created the reasons they nag: the bar that you set when you first got into the relationship.
When we are in the beginning of dating someone, we are putting our best foot forward. We are trying to secure this person for a relationship. We are quick to feel nagged later in the relationship, mostly as a result of the bar that we set. We try very hard in the beginning to be the best partner we can be, and not to their fault, that is what our partner will expect of us always.
No relationship is as similar or intimate as that with our partner. Our partner asks a lot more out of us, than our friends or family. Our partner also sees us in many different roles than others do, and shares those roles with us. We are a supporter, lover, friend, therapist, motivator, or parenting partner.
Think back to that bar that you set at the beginning of dating your partner. Try to always be that person in order to keep yourself from feeling nagged by your partner. If you can achieve this level to secure the relationship, you can keep it as a standard all the time.
During the first few dates, most people talk about jobs, school, plans for the future, etc. If you talk about plans to build a house and three years down the road, you still live with your parents, you can not be mad at your partner for nagging you on this issue. Be careful of the goals you discuss with others that you had set for yourself. Your significant other is bound to keep you accountable later. That is the nagging you don’t like.
Now if nagging is something that you tend to do to your partner often when nothing is ever good enough, then that is a different story. Nagging all the time is not going to help your partner get going with something. Nagging about daily chores rather than significant life choices can get exhausting for your partner. Try to be more positive about what they have gotten accomplished or little steps they take towards the big picture. Positive motivation will get someone moving more than nagging.
The Cynical Therapist came to be when two therapists became friends. SoulMates or Kindered Spirit Animals… Call us what you will…. We are two bad*** chics Licensed to teach you how to grow into your full potential and add some humor along the way.
Laurie Wilson and Elle Anzalone are both Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Huntington Beach, CA.