I hear many people say, “I hate games.” Relationship games that is. They are referring to having to wait three days to call a potential date, or purposely ignoring someone to make them want you.
The problem is; I can not tell you to play games or to not play games. We all have different temperaments when it comes to our likes and dislikes in a relationship. I can assure you that most of the need for games comes out of a skewed vision of what relationships should be. That said, it is difficult to change what we view as normal and healthy verses what other people do. Some people think that fighting in a relationship is healthy and that not fighting can cause tension. I urge us to think differently about that matter, that working out the communication differences and arguments is key. But not getting on COPS for a domestic dispute call is also key. However, because we can not change some else’s thinking, you may need to change some of our actions.
I have a friend who is in a relationship and her man will claim that he hates games. However, he is always more attentive when she isn’t as available. Why is this? Why do people claim to hate games, but happen to be a sneaky part of the process? Even if you don’t instigate the game, you may still have to play it.
Some people play games on accident. I have a few girlfriends who are busy and more concerned with their jobs, activities, and friends than they are relationships. Both of these girls secured a husband and are doing a great job keeping that balance and love in the marriage. It is their nature to not be as “needy” as some woman can come across as. It is the “needy” women that may have a hard time securing a man without engaging in some game playing.
As part of the relationship process, games later become irrelevant. It is the same way with how men are romantic at first, but then this fizzles. If we want something bad enough, we will go after it. However, if it is a baseball game, you can’t bring a soccer ball. You have to come equip to win the game with the proper tools, and sometimes playing games is one of those tools.
Tomorrow I will touch on: How do you know which games to play and when to play them?
The Cynical Therapist came to be when two therapists became friends. SoulMates or Kindered Spirit Animals… Call us what you will…. We are two bad*** chics Licensed to teach you how to grow into your full potential and add some humor along the way.
Laurie Wilson and Elle Anzalone are both Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Huntington Beach, CA.