When we talk about the “other” person in the affair, we often have no sympathy for someone who is willing to come in the middle of a relationship. Maybe we shouldn’t have any, however if you have ever been the “other” person in an extramarital affair or with someone who is in an exclusive relationship, you should look into why you think it is okay to make these decisions.
- Why do I keep going with a relationship where I know the other person is exclusively involved with someone?
- Have I been cheated on or hurt and am doing this to get back at others for my own heartache?
- What values and morals do I have that contradict my actions?
- What if I was in this situation and the “other” person was with my partner? How would I feel?
- Do I feel any remorse for the decisions that I make of this nature? Why or why not?
New social sites such as Ashley Madison– “Life is Short, Have an Affair”, promote actions of deceit and affairs. I have a problem with this site, it encourages the wrong kind of intimacy and excitement. You should find excitement within your relationship.
If you find yourself unhappy and you sabotage others’ relationships, it is time you evaluate your own life and intentions.
If you find yourself in this situation, and someone in a relationship is pursuing you, try this:
Make it clear to the other person that you are not interested. Maybe you met this person and they did not mention their relationship. The second you find out about it walk away. Someone who is willing to leave their current relationship for you, may also be willing to leave you later for another person.
Ignore friend requests on Facebook or other social sites. Contact of this nature may seem harmless, but the more contact you have, the harder it may be to say no.
Ignore phone calls and texts. Position yourself in a way to fight off the inappropriate relationship from the beginning.
Stand your ground. Sometimes people just want what they can’t have, so ignoring them may make them try harder. When this happens, you need to make it clear to them that you are not interested in pursuing a relationship or a friendship. When we begin letting them in, even just as a friend, we already know we may later cross lines.
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The Cynical Therapist came to be when two therapists became friends. SoulMates or Kindered Spirit Animals... Call us what you will.... We are two bad*** chics Licensed to teach you how to grow into your full potential and add some humor along the way.
Laurie Wilson and Elle Anzalone are both Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Huntington Beach, CA.