Trust me, this isn’t easy for anyone. The older you get, the harder dating becomes. When you are young, you are around a bunch of people your same age, then you go off to college and you are surrounded by up to ten times as many people close to your age. Then you go off to work and the people your age keep getting more scarce. Statically, fewer people your same age will be available or less singles will even be around.
Keep these 3 key things in mind when getting back into the dating game:
1. Change the attitude. Begin with a positive attitude. Avoid bringing a negative attitude back into the game. A negative attitude is only likely to draw in other partners that exhibit the same attitude. Make sure you are comfortable enough with yourself to stay positive in a new relationship.
2. Forget the past. The worst thing you can do is compare your new beau to someone in the past. It might be easier dating someone outside of your circle who doesn’t have insider news on details of your past. You new partner will learn things in time or ask about certain things. Don’t dish out any information unless it is asked of you. Even when it is asked of you, give short answers or politely decline. Nothing in your past is pertinent with a new partner except for how it made you a better person.
3. Change the Venue. If you had trouble in the past with relationships, it is time to switch the routine a bit. (For me this means, friday and saturday nights in recouping from the busy week and leaving my picked-up places to some suggested by my mentor.)
Try these places to meet people with similar values/interests:
- Church. Yes I said it! Don’t go find a church as a means to meet people, but if this is part of a new routine or continued old one, this is a great venue to meet people with similar values.
- Intramural, Co-ed sports teams. Take your love for athletics and score points with other singles.
- Work retreats. I am not saying you should spark an in-office romance. Retreats are a good way to meet people in other companies with similar interests.
- School Workshops. Graduate school and sometimes undergraduate schools have workshops you can attend to meet others with the same interest or major. This may be a time of focus for you, but sharing your professional passion with a partner could be just what you need.
- Mixers/Social Gatherings. Your work or hobby may bring you to social events, which are perfect for mingling and meeting a possible partner.
When you get back into the dating game from a failed relationship or just from taking some time off be sure to examine what you are looking for. Be honest as to whether this is a good time for you to be back in a relationship or just a time to have fun. Being honest can save a lot of heartache from happening to you or other parties involved.
The Cynical Therapist came to be when two therapists became friends. SoulMates or Kindered Spirit Animals… Call us what you will…. We are two bad*** chics Licensed to teach you how to grow into your full potential and add some humor along the way.
Laurie Wilson and Elle Anzalone are both Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Huntington Beach, CA.