The question from a reader was actually phrased,
“How long do I have to wait to expect sex.” Do I need to tell you that the question came from a male? Females often phrase it, “How long should I wait before having sex with him?”
Expecting something and waiting for something are two different things. An act as intimate as sex should’t be seen as the golden ticket you receive after a certain number of dates. It should be the intimacy you share with someone you care for. This period of time is different for all couples, but the best way to secure a relationship is to play it cool in dating and in the timing of putting out.
Chances are the guy you want to be with will appreciate the waiting period even if it gives him some frustration. A good guy will not push it or let you see that frustration. He will also play it cool in his own way.
Many books and articles stress that a woman wait a certain number of dates before she has sex with a man. We all have sex drives, but you learn a lot about a person in the first initial months. The sex can cloud your good judgment and make an easy walk-away more difficult. For people not new to this, holding off can be difficult. Try these things to make it easier:
- Don’t be alone with him at his or your place
- Group date
- Wear panties you wouldn’t dream he ever see you in. (You’ll stop cold as soon as he goes for your pants)
- Keep passionate make-outs to the porch
- Will-Power- Like working out or dieting- Stay strong
Give yourself time to learn about your partner. Is this someone that you can have a friendship with and not just sex? Sex can put unwanted stress on a relationship. Early on in dating, why not enjoy the companionship of another person. Get to know them for who they are, then decide when it is time to be intimate. Enjoy all the aspects of a relationship, to make sure it will be a healthy one.
The Cynical Therapist came to be when two therapists became friends. SoulMates or Kindered Spirit Animals… Call us what you will…. We are two bad*** chics Licensed to teach you how to grow into your full potential and add some humor along the way.
Laurie Wilson and Elle Anzalone are both Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Huntington Beach, CA.