This is a very tough topic. For those who have been cheated on, and believe it or not, for those who have cheated.
When you are in a monogamous relationship, engagement, or marriage it is wrong to cheat.
But is once a cheater, always a cheater, True?
It can hold true in some cases, but for others it was a simple lapse in judgement. The situation can be corrected through talking, therapy, or time. I am not condoning it at all. You might be the type of person who would never forgive someone for betraying you in that manner. I used to say that I would never stay with someone after they cheated. I am not saying I would, but it is funny how when certain situations arise, it’s easier said then done.
The rule of thumb is one. Like myself, I had one cheat in four serious relationships. Am I a serial cheater? No. Maybe in some eyes it makes me a horrible person, but trust me the pain, the guilt and the lessons go a long way.
Now others, that cheat and cheat again; in order for something to change psychological issues in that person would have to be addressed along with addictions and pasts uncovered. A serial cheater isn’t going to let their conscious get in the way, because they don’t develop or think about issues like many of us do.
You can choose to stay or leave the cheater. Either way, I would seek out:
- good friends
- supportive family
If a friend chooses to stay in a relationship after this type of heartache, be supportive. It is not a time for “I told you so.” If you are the person choosing to stay you also have to, let it go. You can’t keep throwing it in their face. If you keep bringing it up, this is probably a subconscious reaction that you should not stay in the relationship.
Likewise, a friend that chooses to leave a relationship because of cheating needs support. Walking away from a bad situation can be difficult, but remember that growth happens often through painful events.
Have you ever cheated?
Don’t let this question or the answer to it ruin a good relationship.
Likewise don’t let a serial cheater ruin your self-worth.
The Cynical Therapist came to be when two therapists became friends. SoulMates or Kindered Spirit Animals… Call us what you will…. We are two bad*** chics Licensed to teach you how to grow into your full potential and add some humor along the way.
Laurie Wilson and Elle Anzalone are both Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Huntington Beach, CA.