Some of us are addicted to love. We crave the feeling of excitement in initial meetings and ongoing relationships. This addiction is about being adored and adoring another. This addiction can appear dominant in co-dependent people, but also affects many others silently. For people addicted to love, being alone is not a natural feeling and finding love is easy for an addict.
Love addictions are complicated. People seek out and idealize other people to super-impose that projection onto the other person. They are interested in the object of affection for what they can imagine them to be, not for what they are. A love addict can obsess and crave love similar to what any other addict craves. There have been studies done about the brain during drug addictions; the parts of the brain affected by any addiction are the same as those who endless try to fall in love.
Treating any addiction is nesseccary. It allows the addict to heal, and in healing comes freedom. A comprehensive approach is best. Psychotherapy is very beneficial in understanding your actions and strongholds. It sounds complex, but it’s just a fancy way of saying “talk therapy.” Therapist have different approaches and procedures, however communicating openly and seeing the therapist consistently will yield results.
We can also be addicted to the turmoil that fighting in a relationship brings. The push and pull to get back something that we just lost, the make-up sex, and the buzz of getting back together.
Remember when people have strongholds or addictions whether with drugs, alcohol or love, you will be unable to have a healthy relationship with that person. I often tell clients, in this case, to walk away. If the person they leave cleans up and is willing to help make it work, maybe they can revisit trying again. If you’re continually trying to fix your partner, your love needs won’t be full-filled. Likewise if you are the addict, continually trying to idealize someone as another person won’t full-fill their needs or yours.
There is so much stigma with therapy and problems in relationships, but it affects so many people. You can find relief in the pain that is common to most people. After that relief you can find real, healthy happiness.
The Cynical Therapist came to be when two therapists became friends. SoulMates or Kindered Spirit Animals… Call us what you will…. We are two bad*** chics Licensed to teach you how to grow into your full potential and add some humor along the way.
Laurie Wilson and Elle Anzalone are both Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Huntington Beach, CA.