I overhear this and directly hear this all the time. Women and Men all over the country classify each other as a way to, I feel, ignore the real problem. We all have ups and downs in relationships. One thing I have learned, even about myself, is this:
If you are not in a relationship, it is not because of the people you dated, it is you. Plain and simple, it’s not them, it is you. You were the common denominator in all the failed relationships.
(If you didn’t like that, go into the fridge and grab some milk and cookies. It will help you to read it again, because until you acknowledge that fact, you will continue to be in unsuccessful relationships.)
After my last few failed attempts at relationships, I wrote down highlights of them and determined how I had to change. No more blaming someone else. It may be our approach to people, habits to break, or letting go of past relationships. Indirectly it’s you; items you need to work on in yourself. Cars need regular maintenance and so do people.
Men aren’t assholes, and women aren’t crazy. We speak completely different languages, and have a hard time addressing our partners sometimes. I have been reading “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” for a few weeks now. It addresses important differences of men and women. Some of the fad books such as “Why Men love Bitches” miss the ideas of the real communication problems between men and women, so choose your literature wisely.
Here are some common miscommunications directly from the book. If you are having difficulty in your relationship or marriage I urge you to pick it up.
- Our partner resists us, not because they aren’t listening, but we have the wrong approach or timing. (when you talk to a man, side-by-side is better – in the car, eating dinner, etc. It’s less confrontational.)
- Women feel better when venting and talking about their problems (men- listen and hold)
- Men feel better when “caving” being alone, watching sports, or doing something mindless (women – leave them be)
- Practice positive communication- give acceptance, not advise or criticism
- We are all unique individuals with different experiences; try not to bring your dirty laundry into new relationships. Be respectful that not everyone is the same.
The Cynical Therapist came to be when two therapists became friends. SoulMates or Kindered Spirit Animals… Call us what you will…. We are two bad*** chics Licensed to teach you how to grow into your full potential and add some humor along the way.
Laurie Wilson and Elle Anzalone are both Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Huntington Beach, CA.