I sometimes have to wonder why relationships move so quickly. Then I remember how quickly everything in life moves. Cell phones became i Phones. Subtle printed porn can now be mainstreamed anywhere via World Wide Web.
What we want and need becomes like a kid who got the king size and now is being handed a fun size. We undoubtedly want bigger, faster, and more, and I am convinced that half of the time we are not even sure why.
Thinking about cohabitation should not be something that is decided because some “want” to be near your new boo arises. I once moved in with an ex, lasted about a month. He was more into me, but what were we doing living together in the first place? Then I must have had a lapse in judgment when I again let a different boyfriend move in with me. I thought, this time it will be different, but sharing a room, bathroom, and full on living quarters with someone else -all the time- is a difficult adjustment for some couples. It may be a simple transition for couples that have similar living habits and goals, and equal cleanliness, but for the rest of us getting used to it can seem endless.
Either way, if long-term companionship is something that a couple is considering, when is the right time to move in together?
I personally won’t make the leap again until I am married. You don’t have to drive the car to know how to spin the wheel. But for those of you who are bent on test driving, here are a few pointers:
Transition in Tip-Toe– Whether you are moving into one of your places or getting a whole new pad, there is no need to “lay it all out.” Keep the x-box in the man cave and attempt to keep noise hair off the sink. Women rituals should remain just that, what he doesn’t see will surely not hurt him, and will definitely help the relationship.
Pick a Place- It is ideal to get a “new” place together although it is not always financially possible. Both parties then feel equal in sharing a place that really is their own. If it benefits to share one of the existing places just make sure to let your partner know it is theirs by making room for their things before the big day. Try not to think selfishly.
“Them” time– Living together means that your alone time is diminished. You may have had roommates, but living with your partner is different. It will be beneficial to give your partner space on certain days. After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Over-Obsess– This is the only time I am going to tell you to over-obsess; talk about moving in together extensively prior to the commitment. If there is pressure from one party, the resentment the other person feels will carry into the new home. It is okay if you may be ready and your partner isn’t. Respect that stepping back a bit usually makes them step closer.
The Cynical Therapist came to be when two therapists became friends. SoulMates or Kindered Spirit Animals… Call us what you will…. We are two bad*** chics Licensed to teach you how to grow into your full potential and add some humor along the way.
Laurie Wilson and Elle Anzalone are both Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Huntington Beach, CA.